I don't know

Tubal Ligation, otherwise known as getting your tubes tied, is a form of female sterilization. The possibility of the conception being prevented, after this procedure is done, is ninety-nine point five percent. Even with the rare conception, the child usually develops in an area such as the fallopian tubes which could result in death to the mother but usually concludes with the death of the fetus. So with the odds against them, some people would consider themselves lucky if they were born before the decision was made to have this procedure done. My only sister would happen to be one of the “lucky ones” who escaped this fate. But then again… she’s my older sister.

When I first discovered that I had defeated the odds I didn’t know how to take it. In one hand I could be considered a miracle in the science world. However, if you look at life with the glass half empty, I shouldn’t be here at all and my existence a burden to which a loving mother would never admit. Even with this possibility one could not help but to ponder other questions such as the underlying purpose to my arrival on this planet. Am I supposed to be some sort of message from a higher being? Through a brief analysis of my life, many of my acquaintances have been coming to the conclusion that this must be true.

Born to a high school drop-out with five sons and a daughter; all of whom are incapable of rising above various circumstances, such as learning disabilities and language barriers; I have served as an aid to ensuring the survival of our family since the age of eleven. Although it may seem to be just a tall tale, I provided the basic mathematical knowledge necessary to prevent my mother from being swindled out of here meager earnings. As I grew older and more aggressive, my role has shifted to keeping people, who would gladly take advantage of her generosity, far away.

Nevertheless, I do not even believe in the existence of a higher being so I find it implausible that my purpose is to help an extremely generous woman to rise up against the chances that nature had given her. Instead I believe that my circumstance is a demonstration of primal instincts being implemented in modern society. Mammals care for their kin, as has been the example by nature, and adapt to their environment to ensure their survival. I, as a mammal, have adapted to both, my psychological and physical, environment and I am merely looking after those who ensured my survival as an infant. But this doesn’t explain the fact that, out of a point five percent chance of being conceived and a five percent chance of actually being able to develop as a fetus, I still made it.

The very existence of our universe can’t even be explained, so how am I to explain the existence of myself? World renowned physicist Stephen Hawking, an atheist, once stated something to the effect of “The very likelihood of our universe even existing is extremely small; had gravity turned out to be a little bit stronger then everything would be compacted into a ball of matter, had it turned out to be a little weaker then it would be nothing but atoms floating away from each other; so one would see that the help of a higher being of a sort would be an explanation of our existence, based on scientific observation, however, all that I can say is that “I do not know”.” I don’t know.