Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Decisions... Decisions

Well, I've been thinking about my life lately and I feel like I made the wrong decision. I don't feel like I have the discipline necessary for college. Like some people may read that and think “Whoa… college kids aren’t disciplined in the first place” but I’ve become so stubborn … I have trouble pushing myself to do things. I didn’t want to go to college in the first place (well not directly to college I did know I was going to end up here eventually). I guess I’m too easily influenced.

I was all set to go into the Air Force straight out of high school. St. John's was just a last minute decision. No body wanted me to go to the military and my best friend’s mom is the assistant dean here so I made came here. So it feels like I’m only here because I knew someone, even though I had the grades and the SAT scores to get into a lot of colleges. And even with that out of the question I still just wanted something different to say at the high school reunions. I’m not even majoring in something I’m interested in… I’m only doing it because it’s supposed to make me money once I’m done. No I don’t value material possessions or monetary standings but I know other people do and I’ll have to support a family someday … too bad love doesn’t pay bills.

What the hell can I do? I mean … I already chose not to come back here next year. But I have no exit strategy. It’s either go to a different college or go to the military. I’m not going back home. And I don’t really know any ways to just instantly become rich like these people who just randomly quit college on a whim and start up IBM and Starbucks. I have some great movie/novel ideas but you need to know people in the business.

Eh, you live and you learn. I already know the moral of this story, now I’m just predetermined to live it.

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